Wednesday, August 13, 2008

More tired than I'd like

Okay, this is getting old.
I'm still tired, from New Jersey and getting the paper done and the fact that the church has been busy.
I have no energy. None. I set the alarm so that I can get up and exercise, and I'm so sleepy when it goes off that I give myself permission to go back to sleep. Yesterday I slept almost 8 hours and still yawned my way through the morning. At least today the only time I really yawned was in response to seeing someone else do it.
My meds/diet regimen's not working anymore either. This is starting to bother me more than a little, especially since the next step is to take a twice-daily injectable medication. That might not be a big deal for most folks, but I'm legitimately phobic about needles. It's not about pain, unfortunately--that would be easier to get over, and I'm told & believe that the needle is so fine for this drug that I wouldn't really feel it. It just freaks me out.
Someone told me once that God was making me take the drug so that I could learn to trust God with the phobia. I don't believe that...that's tantamount to believing that God gave me my multiple disorders and diseases, and that's entirely contradictory to my understanding of God. Phobias have little to do with trust, anyway. That's why they're defined as irrational fears.
So anyway, I'm waiting on a call from a friend's therapist. I'm going to try hypnosis to see if that will help me get past the phobia so I can take the drug without twice daily anxiety attacks. Actually, I think I'd get over that pretty quick, if I could take the first shot...but I don't think I could right now. So I'm looking forward to giving it a try.
Back's acting up, too, and I think that's keeping me from sleeping well. I'm out of the good drugs, of course, and have to wait 2 weeks to see the doctor to get more, but I'm hopeful we can come up with a plan that will manage it a little better.
What I really think I need is a vacation, I just can't figure out when to take any time off before my "real" vacation in October. Just an extra day or two would be a big help...


  1. I understand about the tired. I get that way myself with my personal variety of various and sundry diseases.

    It makes me more intentional with the ways that I spend my time.

    Hoping you can get some real rest soon.

  2. oh anne! you need chocolate... sorry you're so weary and worn. i hope you find rest & recovery... and somehow by God's grace, the meds, the needles, it all works... prayers my friend.

  3. Like you I don't believe that God brings trials into our lives to test/ strebgthen out trust! Praying that all will soon be well and that you will find the peace and rest that you need.


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