Monday, March 17, 2008

An Easter meditation

“It’s easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.” –old saying

Easter is coming, the Resurrection season is about to begin! I have flowers on my desk today; several varieties of daffodil and narcissus, pink and white camellias and other flowers (we’ve strained my limited knowledge) brighten my office up and bring an early reminder that Spring is coming, and with it new life and joy. This is a healing word to me this week, as my family and I are still reeling from our recent losses. I’m more tired than I realized (although sleeping nearly till noon today was a big clue), and that’s got me thinking about forgiveness and permission.
I have always been one to “weary [myself] with well-doing,” and there is so much going on at Ann Street that I have been keeping very busy. I could feel distant warnings that I was becoming tired, even exhausted, but there was always some time in the future that I would rest: next week (but then something always comes up), when I finish my next doctoral class (but then the next starts), after Easter (but now my best friend’s coming to town). It has been easier in the past to ask forgiveness than permission, but no longer. My body is forcing me to take note, to ask permission, before I commit to anything more…and enforcing its demands by making it very difficult to wake up on time. I think, as far as my body goes, I am out of grace, and asking forgiveness is in order.
Easter Sunday this year marks the 5th anniversary of my grandfather’s death. This year he is reunited with his wife and youngest son, and that is cause for rejoicing, but I’m not sure my family is ready to let go of our grief. So we are giving ourselves permission to feel how we feel, and not to be troubled if we meet Easter Sunday with mixed feelings of joy and sorrow. In some way, I think we are honoring Jesus’ very difficult and powerful work of forgiveness and reconciliation by doing this…so that when we catch up to Easter’s joy, we may do it with our whole hearts. I pray that Easter’s joy finds you where you are, and that in this Resurrection season, you find yourself in a reconciling spirit with Christ.

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