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Friday, November 30, 2007

Vacation's almost over...

It was a short one, anyway.
I missed the hospital visit I meant to make, for a great reason: the patient had been transferred to rehab.
I spent about an hour (about all it really needed) at the Nasher Museum of Art in Durham with a friend. Unfortunately, she had to cut our visit short due to illness in her family.
I made it to Seagrove in great time, and started scoping out the goods. I got about 25% of my shopping done, then checked into the hotel and went out to dinner. Nice quiet evening with the TV.
Today, I went to who knows how many potteries. I love Seagrove pottery. It's a very old NC cottage industry, originally started from a confluence of events: an English settler said, "hey, that looks like clay from home," at about the same time the British were beginning to tax the daylights out of near 'bout everything sent to the colonies. And lo, a tourist trade was born. The pottery tradition nearly died out, but was revived in the first half of the 20th century with Asian influences. Big big fun. I bought myself these:






On the way back to the hotel, I stopped at the Pisgah Covered Bridge, one of only 2 remaining in NC, and it's no longer in use.

So tonight I'm having pizza in my room and repacking my treasures for the trip home, and planning tomorrow's attack. The Christmas shopping extravaganza is not ending yet, however, there are some treasures yet to pick up, and a stop in Smithfield for some stocking stuffing and maybe a little something for me (you never know). Oh, and I'm also watching "Polar Express". To misquote Ron White's dog Sluggo, "it's a good day, Tater."

I know there's a way to fix the formatting, but I can't figure it out tonight. Maybe later.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I'm running away from home.

I am taking an extra day off this week to Christmas shop and feed my soul. I will be busy but I am so looking forward to it:
Coffee and a visit to the Nasher Museum of Art at Duke with a new clergywoman friend
Pottery shopping in Seagrove NC, for Christmas gifts and an addition or two to my collection (staying 2 nights...nothing happens after 5 pm so there will be evening resting)
A trip to Trader Joe's...always fun and good for me
A run through the outlets in Smithfield
Watching dvds I want to see...no action movies for me. "Cars" and "Pan's Labyrinth" and whatever I download from Netflix.
I might even go to the zoo on Friday (but I doubt it...pottery calls!)
I am going all by myself. As an extrovert, part of me cringes, and I invited several people to go, but no one could make it fit into their schedule. I'm okay with that. I do get energized from spending time with other people, but I've got enough introvert in me to really enjoy these occasional times on my own. I'll post photos of my treasures and my travels when I get back.

Monday, November 26, 2007

a roundup of the past week's events

No Jamie sighting for Thanksgiving; I'll have to live for Christmas. Her mom is teaching her to recognize me from a picture and to know that I am "Aunt Anne".
Thanksgiving was fine; spent an extra day so that I could see my father. (see below)
Went home with allergies, came back with some kind of evil flu bug...spent Sunday in bed with fever, chills, nausea, body aches. Much better today.
Tried to make sugar free cheesecake. Bleah. Bad recipe, I think. Will try again.
Newsletter article was also sort of uninspired: on alternative gift giving. Might rework and post later.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Yeesh...it's been a long time

I've been away for days. Took the radical step of leaving my computer home while I went to have Thanksgiving with my mom. I thought it would only be 2 nights and therefore not painful, but I ended up staying a 3rd night. Something's up with Dad. I hope it's just sort of basic mourning and impending holiday gloom, but my sister said he came to see her and Jamie the Exceptional One, and slept almost the whole time. I've asked him to keep an eye on that and get the doc to check his meds but it's still a concern.
Not really in the mood to write tonight either. Another time...

Monday, November 19, 2007

What's on Your Plate?

"Grandpa, what’s for supper?”
-from the old “Hee Haw” TV show


This morning I am sitting in my office with a scratchy throat and very hoarse voice after a very full weekend. I preached Sunday, which would ordinarily be no problem, but my usual system for preparing to preach let me down. I’m a procrastinator, which usually works for me; it takes a while to get up enough energy (stress) to get started on anything. But this weekend, the stress, slow to build up to begin with, piled up in a hurry.
Thanksgiving starts one of the two marathons of the Christian year: from now until after New Year’s, we will be off and running, with cantata performances, Christmas parties, candlelight communion services, and we’ve got to come up with presents and bake goodies and decorate the house and do all the work that makes the season special. That energy (stress) is piling up too.
So what’s for supper? What’s on our plates? How long is our to-do list? In the busy and joyous weeks to come (“it’s the most wonderful time of the year,” so the song says), Where is the stress getting to us? And more importantly, where are we getting our energy from? For me, it’s the wonderful music of Christmas and Advent, the work of making goodies to share with others, laughing with the Tuesday morning Bible study, listening to the stories of expectation through the weeks of Advent, and finding just a little time for quiet, for rest, for being still and knowing God. It’s being together with my family in our grief for those who are no longer with us, and our delight in those who are. It’s seeing your faces on Sunday mornings and Tuesday meals and in the grocery store or at the coffee shop.
What’s on your plate? What’s your source of energy in this season?
Anne

PS: You may thank the MYF for the “Hee Haw” quote. They challenged me to use a word of their choice in Sunday’s sermon, and “Hee Haw” was their pick.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

The Intersection of Unending Need and Inexhaustible Gift

based (loosely) on John 6:25-35

This Thanksgiving Day stuff is complicated business. We all have traditions around the day. For those of us with in-laws, we have to decide who to spend the day with, or how to divide it between two families, or how we might all share together without bloodshed. For those of us whose families have been touched by divorce, there’s the same question of who to spend time with, and how much, and when. For those of us who live away from our families, there are the delicate travel negotiations. There’s the question of who cooks the turkey, and is it roasted, fried, smoked, or BBQ? What should we bring? Which football game will we watch?
This is a delicate business! Ben and I will drive to Virginia for Thanksgiving and either share the day with my aunt’s family at my mother’s house with my father in attendance, or we will split our time between Virginia Beach and Hampton, so that neither parent is slighted. We will call my sister, his mother, and his brother on the way, so that no one is left out and we can all feel a part of one another’s day. Some of us will stick to special diets and others will eat themselves sick. We make a lot of demands on the day, not to mention the necessity of mapping out the Christmas shopping plan for Friday. I’m not going.
There’s a lot to this Thanksgiving business. To begin with, it’s not unique to the US, nor to Christians. Thanksgiving and harvest festivals have been held throughout the world about as long as people have had an opportunity to be grateful to survive a storm or have food to eat. It only became a national celebration in our country during the Civil War, when President Lincoln signed into law a declaration ordering a National Day of Thanksgiving after the Union victory at Gettysburg. Canada and Brazil also have Thanksgiving Day celebrations, as do many other cultures.
Another little known fact: The Pilgrims’ feast in 1621 was not the first American Thanksgiving. Feasts of thanksgiving were likely celebrated in la Florida in the 1500s, as well as in Newfoundland in 1573, as well as in Jamestown VA and the British Popham colony in Maine, both in 1607, and it was a celebration on June 30, 1623 by the Puritans that seems to have set the precedent for our Thanksgiving Day: they were celebrating the arrival of a ship loaded with supplies, not the generosity of the Native Americans. But regardless of how it got started, or where, or by whom, Thanksgiving Day is an important day for us as Americans to appreciate the freedom and abundance we have, and as Christians to acknowledge that God has blessed us, is blessing us, and will bless us again. It’s a part of who God is: in the words of the old Doxology, as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be. And a huge part of our celebrating Thanksgiving Day is the food.
Someone told me this past weekend that I always preach about food. As I think about it, he was pretty much right, but there’s a good reason: so did Jesus. So many of the parables he told were about food, and so many stories about him center around meals: the Last Supper, feasts with Levi and Zacchaeus, breaking bread with Clopas and his friends on the way to Emmaus, one last breakfast with the disciples by the Sea of Galilee.
Food. Such a simple word for such an essential part of our lives. We can’t survive on bread alone…see, more food talk from Jesus! We literally can’t live without it. And this time of year our thoughts sometimes center on food…holiday baking, Thanksgiving meals, pies, cakes, Christmas cookies. Come Thursday most, if not all, of us will be sitting around a table, eating and talking…enjoying one another’s company even as we enjoy turkey and dressing, sweet potatoes, and pumpkin pie.
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays... A time to gather around the table and spend time with people we care about. A time to celebrate all the blessings in our lives, and to enjoy wonderful food. A time to remember what God has done for us, who God has put into our lives, and how God has reached out to us. Many of us have a tradition of sharing, as part of our mealtime blessing, what we are thankful for: Family. Food. Home. God’s grace in our lives in hard times and easy ones.
We need to be careful, though, about saying thank you. We tend to treat “Thank you” as if it were a conclusion…the end of a transaction. You give me something, or do something for me, and I respond with “thank you,” and we’re done. The transaction is finished. But in doing so, we lose some of what is most beautiful about gratitude for Christians: the knowledge that when we say “Thank you” to God, we are not only thanking God for something God has done for us, but also making a statement of faith: our God is the kind of God that promises to continue reaching out to us, continue doing good for us, continue to be present in our lives.
For Christians, “Thanksgiving” is not simply the name of a holiday. It’s not only a noun…something static and unchanging that marks an end to a transaction between us. Thanksgiving is a verb, alive and active, a statement of faith: we believe in our thanks that God is good, that his mercy endures forever, that Jesus Christ is living bread and water for the nourishment of our spirits, and so our Thanksgiving meal nourishes not only our bodies but our souls when we give thanks. Thanksgiving cultivates in us an attitude that continues to be grateful, to remember that not only has God been with us in the past, God’s presence is always with us. We are reminded of that promise through another special holiday as we remember that Jesus’ name is also Emmanuel: God with us. But that’s for another day, another sermon…and more special food.
Jesus was not dealing with a grateful people in today’s gospel lesson…at least not a people with a sense of God’s abiding grace. Before today’s reading, Jesus had fed 5000 men, plus women and children, with five loaves of bread and two fishes. He had taught for hours, and finally made his escape at night, when the disciples found him walking on the water in peace and solitude. It wasn’t long before the crowds found him again, though…with more demands than gratitude, needing more than they had to offer. They want bread, again. They want a sign that Jesus is from God. They want miracles and the power to perform miracles, and they want them now (sort of like wanting control of the remote during the football game. Especially if your team’s playing on another channel). As Jesus explains that the true bread of heaven endures and gives life to the world, they respond not with wonder, but with a request: “Sir, give us this bread always.”
These were a people who had perhaps said thank you for the meals of the past: manna in the wilderness and bread and fish just before…but that was the end. They really don’t seem to have a sense that God has more in store, that God’s grace and presence was with them always, that it is God who provided manna and meat, bread and fish in a time of need: they credit Moses, and the rabbi Jesus. To be fair, they are also a people who have been displaced, conquered repeatedly, who are often what we call “food-insecure”, who are economically challenged, who are…how do I put this…not the most successful or the cream of the social crop. They are challenged in ways most of us are not, and so perhaps they have a right to wonder, to fear, to not take God’s grace for granted. They are full of the unending need that characterizes all of us. We are a needy people, and made to be so. We need: sustenance, shelter, housing, personal freedom, clothing, friendship and family, health care. The list never ends: we always need something…we are a people of unending need.
Food is one example of an unending need in our lives. We can’t get away from it: it is necessary for life. In the words of a commercial for Ben’s favorite fast food restaurant: You gotta eat. And once you’ve eaten, it’s not too very long before you need to eat again. We cannot survive without food. Our bodies just aren’t made to do without it. This is the real reason for harvest festivals, such as Pentecost for Jesus, and Thanksgiving for us: we’re thankful we have been blessed with a good harvest, because that means there will be plenty of food to get us through the winter, and our need will be closer to met for a time.
We also are not made to survive apart from one another: human beings are made with an unending need for companionship, to not be alone. It is okay for us to be alone, on our own, for a short time; it’s even therapeutic every now and then to get away from it all, including (gasp) our cell phones and computers. But part of the attraction of our cell phones, computers, coffee shops, and Thanksgiving tables is that they all feed our need to be in touch, for some kind of human contact in our lives. This is another reason for Jesus’ teaching about food and parties, for his desire to teach and enjoy one another’s company over a meal, another purpose for his human existence: his own unending need for us, and ours for him.
We have an unending need, too, for some kind of meaning in our lives, for a sense that there is something beyond ourselves, beyond our friends, beyond our Thanksgiving table, beyond our lives and our deaths. Perhaps “thank you” is that meaning, that power, that connection to something beyond ourselves. We tend to think of thanking someone as an end, a conclusion. Saying thank you feels like a conclusion, a way of acknowledging something in the past. It’s not an ending for Christians. It’s a beginning.
We don’t gather today to only thank God for the blessings we have received in the past, but to remember that our gratitude extends into the future, for God’s goodness and grace is not limited. We gather today, and at our Thanksgiving table, and in our Sunday school classes and with our friends to find our needs met, not only in turkey and dressing and time spend with one another, but in living bread and water, the refreshment that comes as an inexhaustible gift from God in Christ.
With Thanksgiving ahead and Christmas soon to come, there’s something we have to remember in the middle of our celebration, our gratitude, our rejoicing: not everyone has the reasons for giving thanks that we have. Not everyone has the reasons we have to celebrate…and not everyone has a holiday called Thanksgiving. Afghanistan. Bangladesh. Iraq. Darfur. Out of our gratitude, out of our certainty that God is good, and means good for us, and out of the knowledge that “because we have been given much, we too must give,” God’s people (that would be us) are called both to celebrate our blessings and share them with others…to reach out to those who perhaps are more aware of their own unending and immediate need than they are of Jesus’ inexhaustible gift, and to give them a reason to give thanks, and remember God’s goodness…to share the living bread we have been given…the inexhaustible gift of our loving God.
Thanksgiving Day is a special grace moment for us, a time set aside for us to see how our faith is the intersection of our unending need for food, for attention, for a sign from God, with the inexhaustible gift that is the love of God in Jesus Christ. We can lose the opportunity to reflect a little, to think about what God and family and friends and food mean to us, in football and pecan pies and who forgot to bring the rolls and where the best sales will be. It’s perhaps easier for us to get bogged down in the merits of homemade versus canned cranberry sauce (no berries for me) and who makes the better green bean casserole. There’s no simple answer to the old question from “Hee Haw”: “Grandpa, what’s for supper?”
We have our own traditions and expectations of the day: Ben’s looking forward to my cousin’s sweet potatoes (made with a pound each of butter and sugar), I’m craving my mother’s dressing, and my aunt Anne will have corn light bread ready. We can narrow our world down to how much food we can fit on a plate. That’s simple enough…but it denies the power our time together has.
At this year’s Thanksgiving meal at my mother’s house in Virginia Beach, we’ll be remembering the ones who aren’t there: my grandparents, 3 of whom have gone on to give thanks eternally in heaven and one of whom doesn’t know what day it is; my uncle Bill, who loved pumpkin pie and my cheesecake; Jamie, my beauteous niece, who will be at her own home with her parents, who have to work on Friday; Ben’s family, who haven’t seen him at Thanksgiving in a dozen years, at least. We will indulge in our own tradition of intentionally giving thanks for the good in our lives, for what we’ve learned and grown through in the past year…and unlike a simple “thank you”, there’s always an expectation that we will gather again next year, that there will be more to be grateful for, and more we have to share.
Jesus knew that something special happens when we gather together at table, and invite him to take his place among us. Our ordinary bread and meat, or not so ordinary turkey and dressing, become something more in Jesus’ presence than mere sustenance; they become spiritual food, living bread that satisfies the needs of our souls as well as the needs of our bellies. And in a world where people still go hungry, where as we feast others suffer, we remember that in our thanksgiving, we can also make a difference for someone else…we have a need to share the blessings we count, to do our part at the intersection of Unending Need and Inexhaustible Gift.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Friday Five: Think About These Things Edition

Says Songbird:
Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8, NRSV)

Friends, it's nearly Thanksgiving in the U.S. and it's the time of year when we are pressed to name things for which we are thankful. I want to offer a twist on the usual lists and use Paul's letter to the church at Philippi as a model. Name five things that are true, honorable, just, pure, pleasing, commendable, excellent or worthy of praise. These could be people, organizations, acts, ideas, works of art, pieces of music--whatever comes to mind for you.

1: Whether we like 'em or not, we are created for relationships with God and one another. We may not always be pleasing, commendable, excellent, or worthy of praise, but we are called to try to be. And there's grace for our failings (a most excellent thing!).

2: Music sometimes fills in the background, other times shapes how we think and feel. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love Rich Mullins and Chris Rice for how their work shapes mine. But I'm grateful also for They Might Be Giants, Sarah MacLachlan (or however you spell it), Norah Jones, U2, the Eagles, and all the other great music that moves and amuses me. That says nothing about the hymns: Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, Be Thou My Vision, The Summons, And Can It Be...

3: I don't know how people get by without pets. I know some folks don't need them like I do, but I really need to have them around to warm my toes on cold nights, to keep me company in my melancholy and share my long walks, to be the warm unconditionally loving reminder of Christ and grace in my life...oh, and nose kisses. I must need those too. And I am beginning to think of pet hair as a dietary supplemnt.

4: Food. Someone told me last week that I always preach on food. I don't think that's entirely true, but there can be something spiritual in really good food for me. Perhaps it's that relationship thing: great food cries out to be shared. Maybe it's that food anchors so many of our relationships: holiday meals and coffeeshop chats, for example. Somehow, more than our bodies are nourished in earthly bread, whether or not it speaks to us of the Bread of Life as well.

5: The impulse to do good. Even the most difficult among us has the occasional impulse to do something kind, generous, altruistic. We're doing an advent study on Dickens' A Christmas Carol; I had forgotten how much humor and biting social commentary there was in a story so familiar it had become a cliche...but there it is: it is in us to do good, to love, and to do justice and live with mercy, and it's the painful work of a lifetime to so fence ourselves in that we cannot. So let's not, what do you say?

Praise God for love, praise God for life,
in age or youth, in husband, wife,
Lift up your hearts, let love be fed
through death and life in broken bread.
--Brian Wren,
"When Love Is Found"

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I'm quotable

Things that make me happy:
Someone liked what I said on here somewhere in a little section labelled "Eureka" about unending need and inexhaustible gift...and she's using it in her worship bulletin: how cool is that!
I am eating the last double chocolate almond biscotti...and I didn't even have to cheat!
I have the evening entirely off, so I am cooking tonight: cookie dough for the freezer to make the holidays easier, beef stew for the weekend ('cause, baby, it's cold outside), and something yummy for supper tonight. Thick-cut boneless pork chops, maybe, brined and grilled.
I love my job. I like what I do. I like the freedom to take a weekday off to spend with my dad. I like living where I do. And I like who I work with; we have an incredible staff, but the senior pastor's the best. Although the financial secretary just came in with coffee...he's the best, too.
I like my things: I have an office full of books and stuff: games and supplies for the youth group, all kinds of resources for missions, books, books, and more books, a basket full of crochet stuff, my new Levenger notebooks and Pilot Varsity fountain pens.

Imagine that. It's a gray, raw, wet, blustery day (love the sound of the church's tin roof), and I'm just sitting here, wriggly-puppy happy and content. Yay for me!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Everyone should read this sermon

Lutheran Hot Cup's got a great sermon on suffering and redemption: go read it.
Seriously.
Now.
I mean it.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Friday Five Me edition

name 5 things you would do to;
1.to care for your body
Eat really good chocolate. Antioxidants, right? And coffee's been
shown to be beneficial for something...really...

2. to care for your spirit
I'm going to run away in a couple of weeks...retreat and retail therapy in Seagrove, NC, land of pottery. This will hopefully give me a change to reduce the "Christmas is coming" stress and also add to my collection.

3. to care for your mind
Doesn't going back to school count? I've just finished (sort of) my final project, check it out at Any Way You Slice It. Finishing it has been great for my poor, overtaxed brain.

4. to bring a sparkle to your eye
Chocolate and coffee, again. Retail therapy. Long naps on my days off. Take my day off.

5. to place a spring in your step
I'm about due for a pedicure, and in the interest of helping my back heal, I really need to start walking the dog on a regular basis.

Enjoy the time to indulge and dream.... and then for a bonus which one on the list are you determined to put into action?
All of it. I'm taking the youth group to a 3 day conference/rally/event with 6,000 other kids...I'll need to do all of it to recover!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Deep breath...

I believe I've just come up on a milestone.
My DMin project for the semester is substantially finished. I may tinker on it a bit more (what good is doing it as a blog, if I can't continue to blog?) but for all intents and purposes, I'm done.
I don't think I've ever finished any paper or project more than 12 hours early in my life, and if you'll look back in time here, you'll see that includes sermons as well.
Life is good. Life is very good.

Well, except for the small matter of the SPRC meeting right now to do my annual assessment. I hate those. But hey, I'm good, too. It's all good.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Today, Scarlett, was another day

and a better one.
Still insanely busy with way too much going on. But I felt like I was on top of everything today. It was just one thing after another: knitting group, Bible study, YAH club (lunch program), funeral, and then a trip to the doc's office. I did it all though, and pretty well. I might have eaten too much supper, but it was good, so I don't care. And I came home and did a ton of work for my DMin project. All I really have to do is process one interview (it's not back yet) and write two summary posts that I've already begun to make notes on. This makes me so happy!
I have not made too much of a fuss about this here, but when I was diagnosed (finally) with insulin resistance in August, my life became considerably more stressful. This was also the same week I got accepted into the D.Min. program at Drew, so it makes sense that things would get a little hairy.
So anyway, what the insulin resistance means is basically that my body has a problem metabolizing sugars and starches. What this has meant for me is a lot of dietary changes and adding a new medication to my daily routine. It's also just been a lot to think about. Long term effect of insulin resistance are pretty hateful, like diabetes. I'm awful young for that. Plus, I'm phobic around needles. I don't mean I hate shots. I am panic-attack, weeping-and-gnashing of teeth, cannot-behave-like-a-grownup-when-needles-are-involved phobic. Take valium before blood draws phobic. So even though I know my fear is irrational, it's hugely important to me that I not have to test blood sugar or take daily insulin shots. A little bitter irony: when the drug I'm taking now stops working, the next one to try is an injectable. Yep, a needle.
So anyway, I've been working pretty hard these last 3 months. Not only has there been work, but also school, and now this. I'm still learning how to plan my meals, and some meals at church (most, if I'm honest) are pretty hard for me to manage. I find that I'm often not eating, or just eating a small part of the meal, and then going home or back to the office and eating something else to compensate. I'm struggling with getting my snacks in (I'm on a 5-6 meal regimen, or 3 meals and 2-3 snacks) and the way Ben and I eat out--way too much. I have to measure everything I eat, and evaluate it, and balance it, so that my metabolism can function properly.
It's a ton of work, and constant thought, but here's the end result: it's working. Now that I'm really getting proper nutrition for the way my body works, I have more energy (which is good, given all the other stuff that's been going on). I'm experiencing fewer cravings than I expected, which is great given that so many of my favorite things are now on the no-no list. And (cheesy though this sounds) I finally feel like I can actually make some right choices; before I was diagnosed, it literally made no difference what I ate...I could gain weight on anything. I gained weight on Weight Watchers, on eDiets, I had a toxic reaction to Atkins (you don't want to know). Now I understand that none of those systems could meet my nutritional needs due to the underlying metabolic issue.
Several people in the church have noticed that I'm losing a little weight. I've actually lost more than a little, and I'm looking forward to losing more. I'm not dieting, but when I am eating properly, and the medicine is helping me properly use what I'm eating, it all works together so that I do lose weight. In fact, the only way (without testing my blood sugar several times a day) to tell if it's working is if I lose weight. Pretty hand, if you ask me. And today I had a little milestone: 3 months on the new regimen, and I'm doing pretty well. I won't give a number, because I'm trying not to count...but it did make me happy today for someone else to do the math!
Yep, today's a better day.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Feeling overwhelmed...or under?

I'm not impressed with myself right now.
Last week, admittedly, I had to slow down due to back problems. And the meds the doctor gave me made me kind of fuzzy...I had a major disconnect on Sunday about the pledge cards. Even though I was not included in any of the mailings or the visitation campaign (which meant I knew nearly nothing about it, as the senior pastor was in charge), Ben and I had talked about it beforehand. Even so, I sort of blanked before the first service about what to do and how to handle it. By the end of the first service, I really felt like it was probably the meds that made me so fuzzy, but I was still really unhappy with myself and how I'd handled a passing conversation with the senior pastor about it.
I also fell down a bit on a visit; I have a bad habit of not carrying business cards with me. Comes of not carrying a purse, I think; I often walk into the hospital, nursing home, or residence with nothing in my hands but my keys. And without pockets, there's nowhere to put anything else. So I went to an empty room and had no way to leave a note. I tried to follow up with a phone call later and got a busy signal. Today I meant to try again, but after lunch I was so tired that I went home and took a quick nap in the recliner. At least I caught up with the person by phone, finally.
And I also somehow just failed to ask whether tomorrow's funeral might be accompanied by a visitation either tonight or tomorrow. No one told me, and there hasn't been time to get it in the local paper, but seriously, I just flat didn't think about it. I was focused on tomorrow's service, which I will participate in, but it never occurred to me to ask about visitation. So I didn't go...but I'm so frustrated with myself! Even though the senior pastor went, in the deepest corner of my heart lives a solo pastor, and I'm determined that I should have been there, even though my head knows that his presence is enough.
Ben gave me a talking to over supper. I always think he errs on the side of defending me without acknowledging that I have made legitimate errors, but he contends (and probably rightly) that I'm sleep-deprived because of the back pain (even when I sleep, it's not good sleep). I'm also stressed because there's a lot going on with the church (and there is; youth retreat, contemporary service relaunch, death, moving into Thanksgiving and Christmas season, annual evaluation[of course, on a week when I'm not feeling all that pleased with my work]). There's also my class, and all the personal life stuff: stepmother dying, bad back, mom's had surgery, blah blah blah. He thinks a few days of good sleep and no meds will set things right, and he's probably right, but somehow I have to make a god imitation of functioning in the meantime. And I feel like the senior pastor's had to pick up a lot of slack for me this semester. I don't like that, and I hope I can get through the spring and summer without depending on him too much (although I'm very glad to have him).
At least I had some good news today: I am not going to New Jersey in January for 3 weeks. That means that I will be able to save some vacation time; I really thought I'd be giving it all up for next year. And the way I'm acting lately, I really think I need it! I'm just not sure how that's going to happen. I know one thing: it's nearly 9, and my tired self is going to bed! That's my first step to making tomorrow better than today.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Nothing if not inconsistent

So last week I wrote that great long post about what blogging means to me; I wrote it partly because it was in my head anyway, and partly because I was working on my DMin project on the other blog, and decided to cross-post it here. But this week I really have barely honored my commitment to this blog.
It's not that I'm not blogging; it's just that most of my blogging lately has been homework-blogging, and I'm just about burnt out on the web. I've been researching online churches and reviewing websites for the aforementioned project, and I can't stand to be online any more than I have.
I am still committed to blogging and to writing; over the semester break between classes I plan to use this space to draft a couple of articles I'll shop to Relevant Online or The Ooze or somewhere. But for the next couple of weeks, I don't think I'll be here as much as I'd like. And when I'm here (much like the last couple over weeks), I don't know how here I'll be.

Friday, November 2, 2007

The Friday Five: Interview Edition

1. What was the most memorable interview you ever had?
I think that might be the one I had with my senior pastor. I had received a call telling me that I was to be appointed as associate pastor, that the church would have all new pastoral staff, and that I should meet with my new senior pastor before meeting the church folks. Oh, and "it would be best if [we] could get along, because it would be tremendously difficult to make a change at this point."
So Ben and I meet SP for lunch, and the first thing he says is, "this is not an interview."
Was too...but by the end, we were having a really good time.
So glad it worked out the way it did.

2. Have you ever been the interviewer rather than the interviewee? If so, are you a tiger, a creampuff, or somewhere in between?
Not for a job, but I've done some interviews for research papers and projects. I'm a sugar-coated tiger.

3. Do phone interviews make you more or less nervous than in-person ones?
I have had no experience with them. For research, I'm very fond of doing them via email.

4. What was the best advice you ever got to prepare for an interview?
Be yourself.

How about the worst?
Be yourself.

5. Do you have any pre-interview rituals that give you confidence?
Wish I did...that might make for a good story. All I do is make sure I'm comfy in the clothes I have on and have a good cup of coffee beforehand.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

So much better

After 2 1/2 days, the steroids seem to be working and I'm in a lot less pain. Maybe tonight I can sleep the whole night through. Won't be long before I'm ready for bed.
Long day today; had to drive 7 hours for a 1 hour meeting at the conference office. As chair of the district ministry and missions team, I've been trying to sort out what district and conference resources might be available to the lay missioner working in our district, now that the grants that paid her salary have run out. In so doing, I asked one too many questions of the conference coordinator that oversees that area of missions, and so today that had to be smoothed over. The good news: now we are all clear on what we have, and what is available to us, and how we will work together from here. The bad news: that's a long drive for a short meeting with a bad back.
But I'm home now, in time for some homemade chicken soup and then an early night.